Do Not Grieve Alone.com

Remember when you went from junior high school to high school? I do. I wore the wrong skirt.

Well, since this blog is all about transition and the grief that can accompany transition, today is a day for me to have the crankies over going a new “school”.

That school being, the cyber school, the world of blogging, I am learning about the right skirts…or shoes…or whatever.

Remember in kindergarten when you held hands, ate graham crackers, and shared licks off of your ice cream cone?

Well, I am learning who  to share those wonderful crackers with, and I am learning that sometimes people take your crackers and say, “no, those are my crackers.” And, you and I both know darn good and well they are YOUR CRACKERS.

The transition from working in a traditional office to a home based office is a challenge. Yes, I can wear bunny slippers, sweats, and no make-up, a blessing for sure. But, the downside is, of course, there is no one there to share stupid jokes with, or gossip about the latest news, or distract yourself by getting that extra cup of coffee.

So, the avoid the blogger crankies I need to set some goals….goal setting during the grief of transition is the path to satisfaction and well being.

My New Life Plan:

(Aside)

I have a great pie chart with all these elements, but my skill set isn’t there yet…stay tuned.

ELEMENTS OF A BALANCED LIFE:

PSYHCOLOGICAL WELL BEING

SPIRITUAL WELL BEING

SOCIAL WELL BEING

PHYSICAL WELL BEING

FINANCIAL WELL BEING

PROFESSIONAL WELL BEING

MENTAL WELL BEING

CREATIVE WELL BEING

So no matter what kind of transition we are in: divorce, jop change, a move, we need to insure that the TRANSITION doesn’t throw us off completely, so we neglect the very elements of a good life.

It’s been too easy for me to focus on my cyber life and leave too many of the important elements of my life to go to seed.

So the challenge now is

BALANCE !

Blog On !

Interesting this new phenomenon of blogging, putting our information and experience out there..the goal, to help others.

Be advised, I do not put your real name. You submit a comment and then I read the comment, change your name ( random initials) and then the comment is posted. So, fear not, you identity is protected.

I would encourage you to post as often as you like. The comments I have received from others is how comforting it is to know other people have similar feelings.

So, feel free to blog…no one need know who you are…just that you, like the rest of us, have thoughts, feelings and experiences we can benefit from.

 Blog On

Wow, this is really happening…a dream becoming a reality. My life turned upside down in August of 2005, and here it is 2007 and I am writing about it. More importantly, writing about it from the perspective that indeed, like the mythical Phoenix, out of sorrow we can rise up from the ashes of despair.

Being a psychologist for 20 years has been a blessing. I have been privy to accompanying people as they rose from the ashes, and through the courage of those wonderful clients my ability to do the same was strengthened.

Having muddled around for the last two years (with the help of many friends) once again I am embarking on a new mission. A mission to spread the word that grief from loss/transition of any kind can be a transformative experience, the despair passes…grief is a normal response to loss…but out culture “pathologizes” grief, and as such, the rise from the ashes may be more challenging.

This blog is about any kind of loss…my own losses which began as a child. My biological brother put up for adoption when my parents divorced when I was 3 years old. Growing up as  child of a divorced single mom in the 50’s, relationships ending, friendships lost, my dear friend dying of MS,challenges related to jobs and schooling, death of both parents, loss of pets, the loss of being an at-home mom, the challenge of children “flying the coop” and leaving me on Sunday night with the laundry done. Gaining and then losing 50 lbs in response to the death of my mother. The loss of cigarettes as my friend and enemy.  All changes, all losses, all transformative. The BIGGEST most impactful loss, and the inspiration for this change in my own career, was the loss of my husband…

My husband and I had been married for 20 years, raised three beautiful young women. We were both psychologists, and were looking forward to adjusting to the empty nest…   That hot August morning I dropped him off at the local hospital for a simple same day surgery and 18 hours later he was dead. Surgical Error. The empty nest was once again, emptier.

I was left with a house onn 1 1/2 acres, a 95 lb German Shepard and a cat., Miss Diva. I had no skills relative to house and home, cars, finances, in other words, much to my own chagrin, I was the woman they warn you about…oblivious to my surroundings. Thankfully I had a phone book ,three daughters (two out of state and one in town) and some friends who kept me afloat that first year….the year the furnace broke, pipes froze, dog had to be euthanized, on and on and on….but, survive I did.

I searched the internet for resources. I wanted to share my grief/loss/questions with others. And, share I did. This blog will be a place to share the SURVIVAL parts of grief…the actions each one of us can take when we find ourselves in the middle of despair…Despair, allowed….wallowing…for a time…but the challenge…MOVE FORWARD…the Phoenix is the perfect symbol.

My way of rising from the ashes was the continuation of my studies in Positive Psychology. So, this blog will be about this and that…with little “jewels” from the research done on happiness and well being.

As a psychologist I was steeped in pathology. I knew how to find what was wrong with you/me/my neighbor. Now, I am focusing on what is right with us…shoot, in traditional psychology there would be no Phoenix Rising…instead….well, you get the picture.In addition to this blog, I will also be doing a newsletter “Happiness Boot-Camp: Tips for being Happier”Yeah, seems pretty darn strange. Lots of stuff has happened in my life…more than I would have chosen, that’s for sure, but, there’s a way out and that’s THROUGH. The way THROUGH is developing an arsenal of tools to aid you in rising out from despair….Blog On,BethPS Happiness Tools will be listed under “Happiness Boot Camp”