Deciding to remarry after being widowed challenges even the best of us. Many widows view the status of ” widow” as a permanent acknowledgement of marriage that lasts forever. This discussion can become highly heated and emotional. Some view remarriage as an insult to the lost partner, others view it as a step forward in creating a new life.
I recently met a woman who had been widowed for over 10 years. Upon hearing that I remarried, she exclaimed, ” I could never go through that grief again.” I was stunned. She was right. Once widowed, forever vigilent ?
I am painfully aware of Bill’s breathing during the night. If his breathing stops…my heart starts to race. If I return home and expect that he will be there, my first thought, ” is he in the emergency room ?’
Not long after Bill and I met, he was diagnosed with colon cancer. Chilling, for sure. Fortunately, the cancer was caught early and was taken care of surgically. No chemo…no further treatment. Clean colonoscopies for several years. That was a turning point for me…I could have cut my losses and run. I could have easily taken the detour at the point, but instead I stayed. Weighing the costs and benefits of staying in a fulfilling and rewarding relationship, or choosing to close off, hide out, and run from life and happiness. Not being much of a runner, I stayed. No regrets.
I wouldn’t trade the life I have now for anything. Do I regret my remarriage ? absolutely not ! Is it a piece of cake ? puhleaze…Do I worry about Bill dying ? Daily. Does the thought of going through the death of a spouse chill me to my bones ? Certainly. Do I delight in sharing the world with a bright, funny, and gentle man ? Absolutely. Am I scared at the thought of a future without him ? Yes, because I have been there, done that and have the t-shirt.
So, the next time you weigh in on your feelings about a remarried widow, be gentle…we know what can happen…
