Geesh, what a topic to talk about, you know, sex. Let’s talk about sex, baby. Remember George Michael’s signature song? Yup, sex in an open and healthy way. Our culture certainly has issues with women over 25 being sexual, so to talk about widows and sexuality is really stepping way out on a limb.
But, the reality is SOMEONE HAS TO TALK ABOUT THIS! It’s really a matter of life and death. In my coaching practice more often than not women are delighted finally be able to talk about Sex and The Widow. There are so many assumptions which need to be challenged about being a widow, but more about that…later.
More often than not, at some point a widowed woman decides to step back “into the game,” yet many of us are rusty, confused and don’t know where to begin.
STEP ONE: Get a clean bill of health. Talk to your physician about your decision to re- enter the world of being a sexual partner. I am making several assumptions here, but one of the assumptions is that the widow is looking for a heterosexual partner, and is anticipating vaginal penetration. I am also ASSUMING that the widow is post menopausal and there are issues specific to hormone related challenges, specifically vaginal dryness.
Talk candidly with your physician about your sexual health. I am assuming you have been having your yearly mammograms and pelvic exams. I would recommend talking about over the counter vaginal moisturizers like Replens, or perhaps your physician might recommend topical Premarin or Estrace.
With the advent of viagra and other ED medications, sexual relations can continue way past menopause. But for many women sexual relations become quite painful because of the vaginal dryness caused by hormone imbalances. Rather than reach out and talk about it to a friend or health care provider, many older couples become non-sexual when there are steps that can alleviate the pain of sexual intercourse. So, discussing vaginal moisturizers is critical.
Another issue to discuss would be lubrication during intercourse itself. Go to the local drug store and check out the variety of lubricants which are available over the counter. AstroGlide is one you will see–there are many different brands. Buy some, see what you think and feel.
STEP TWO: Also, talk to your physician and get a test for STDs. Yes, weird and strange for most of us, but necessary! Because, yes, ladies, you are not going to do two things: ONE: have sexual relations with a man who hasn’t told you about his STD status, and TWO: you are not going to have UNPROTECTED SEX.
Avis Yarbrough in Health & Wellness reported on “STDs and AIDS in Senior Citizens” ( www.healthandwellnessmagazine.net ). She provided these data: Venereal diseases are spreading more than ever among senior citizens. People aged 50 and older make up more than 10 percent of total AIDS cases in this country, and HIV cases are increasing among people in their 60′s and 70′s according to the U. S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. It has been reported that during the last decade, the number of HIV cases has risen 500 percent among senior citizens, and AIDS cases among over-50 people have risen from 16,000 in 1975 to 90,000 in 2003. Currently, nearly 27 percent of people living with AIDS in America are 50 and older.
There are two important components to getting your sexy back safely. It’s so funny to feel like a teenager again, but, in reality for those of us who have raised teenagers we preached SAFE SEX. So, ladies now we have to practice two things: SAFE and ENJOYABLE SEX.
Stay tuned for Sexy Back Dating
