Whenever I think of New Year’s Eve I think of old movies. Women decked to the nines, men dressed in suits, people ringing in the New Year with champagne flutes and a full on orchestra playing in the background. Really sucks when you are alone. It REALLY really sucks if you are a widow with a vivid imagination.
In the last couple of days I’ve gotten some emails about New Year’s Eve that have jogged my memory about how difficult that first New Years Eve was. Alone, watching tv, eating lean cuisine, alone. Pretty sad state of affairs. And today, when I received one of those New Year’s Eve emails, I remembered, I have never lived the lifestyle of the New Year’s Eve of my Mind.
Primarily, New Year’s Eve is a night of comfort and casualness. A night where I would plan for my dreams for the next year. The collage starting to take place. Every year taking the time to work out a VISION MAP, what I wanted to see happen the next year. But, the first years of widowhood instead, I tormented myself with a sense of aloneness…a sense of life moving forward…me staying in place.
So, tonight, my friends, let’s all dream a little bigger. Let’s all look forward to 2011 and figure out a way to make it better. A way we can pick ourselves up and create some magic. May be this will be the year we will _________just because we have always wanted to. May be this will be the year to tattoo that special image on our inner thigh. May be this will be the year to STOP taking those horrible vitamins because they probably don’t REALLY work anyway.
New Year’s Eve can be one of those devilish holidays that seems to cry out, “LOSER, where is your party hat and horn ?” “Why are you sitting eating pizza and watching Love Actually again for the 5th time?
Really? being a widow doesn’t mean we have to go psychotic and recreate a life we never lived. Seriously, did you ever wear that party hat and sip champagne from a Waterford flute? And if you did was it REALLY like it was in the movies?
Sometimes our minds really mess with us at times like this. In the meantime 2010 is almost over ! Celebrate that a New Year is upon us and with that a BUNCH of NEW firsts…hmmmmmm still thinking about that nose piercing….
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I did a positive thing in 2010 in regards to remembering / acknowledging the anniversary of my husband’s death.
First a short explanation. When I/we pulled life support from Bob, it was on his youngest niece’s birthday. I did not find that out until later that night.
On the anniversary of his death for the next two years the family invited me to their home on Whidbey Island in WA so that I would not be alone. In August 2010, on that year’s anniversary we were getting together at a Chinese restaurant to celebrate my niece Melinda’s 30th birthday.
After exchanging gifts, getting our orders in, as we sat around waiting for the food, I said I had an announcement. When I had everyone’s attention, I said from that day forward I wanted Aug 23rd to only be thought of as Melinda’s birthday and we could from that point only remember Bob on his own birthday in July.
That was another weight lifted from my shoulders and very freeing.
Linda,
Freeing, that’s it, isn’t it? To me part of the letting go and moving forward is releasing memories and events and “reframing” them. Reframing the day of Bob’s “official” death back to the celebration of your niece’s birth. How terrific is that for everyone?
Even though it has been over five years now for me, I still find myself “reframing”, releasing and as you so beautifully noted ” having a weight lifted from my shoulders.”
In fact, your post came at a perfect time for me this a.m. I have Rob’s old explorer sitting in the driveway. It was been there since he died. It carries some heavy memories for me. I kept dragging my feet on selling it. Not completely understanding why. I just couldn’t seem to let it go even though it was loaded with tough memories.
Just two weeks ago I heard I could donate a vehicle to NPR. Hah, release ! This a.m. the NPR representative called and we are set to have the car go to auction, benefit someone else, and I no longer have to worry about selling it to someone in town. I no longer have to worry about seeing it in the Safeway parking lot.
I love the way you are approaching Bob’s life and death. You are being proactive, gracious, thoughtful AND taking care of you and those you love.
Life will be forever altered because of the loss of Bob, but you are working it so that your life is continuing with lots of grace.
Keep blogging ! I love your stuff, it’s so helpful to read where other people are !