The anniversary day of the loss of a love. August 10th is my anniversary day of the loss of Rob.
Honoring the day…not morbid, just something one marks after the loss of a love. But, how to do it?
Today I marked the anniversary by text messaging my three girls just to remind them that we had survived the unthinkable and that indeed Rob would be/ is so very proud of how they have supported me, one another, and how they have forged ahead with their successful lives.
My life couldn’t be better , but the pain of the past four years is still palpable. The gut wrenching shock of a sudden death lingers . The vivid memories of sights and sounds of August 10th are all too easy to recall. Visions of the exceptional people who are still in my life and those who have moved on, remain. Interesting how life becomes punctuated “before” and “after” the loss of a loved one.
My biggest regret may be the things that occurred between me and others during the mourning period. The lashing out, the shutting down, the pushing away that was part of my dark night of the soul. Grief is a complicated thing and certainly not for sissies. Grief is not tolerated well by those who are efficient or by those who view feelings, tears, and snot as messy. No, grieving is a messy business and a business that is not to be hurried.
Never intending to be a “buzz kill” this blog is for those of us who mourn and grieve. My declaration is to not grieve alone and yet my acknowledgement that grieving alone is what too many of us do especially after the bright lights of death have faded. The 24 hour news cycle penetrates the psyche of most of us and before we know it the loss we have experienced is no longer news worthy and talk of our loss often promotes sighs, eye rolling or other gestures which suggest….uh, let’s move on, shall we?
Today I send a special thanks to the God, The Universe, A Higher Power (covering all my bases) offering thanks for providing me with the strength, faith and stamina to withstand this incredible loss as well as deep gratitude for the richness of “after” life.
My only prayer today is “thanks”
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Nice to read about you and how you have handled yourself even after losing someone special.
Beth,
I too lost someone close. My husband of 19 years, Bob, on August 23, 2008. I spent the anniversary of his death with his brother and family.
I just stumbled across your post having recently observed the one year anniversary of my mother who was my best friend and who died suddenly. I just had to tell you that I found your words so true and so helpful to me.
thank you
Nice to read about you and how you have handled yourself even after losing someone special.
+1
I spent the second anniversary of my husband’s death celebrating his niece’s 30th birthday with my husband’s brother and family. Bob actually passed away on his niece’s birthday, I found out later that same night.
This year on 8/23/2010 I gave the day back to my niece and said we should all move forward and only remember Bob on his birthday which is what he would have wanted.