My current “read” is Curious ? by Todd Kashdan, PhD. I “whoop” at various moments when reading ( that’s a good sign) and I am mulling over a couple of ideas in particular. The first is a definition of happiness attributed to the Dali Lama which essentially suggests that happiness is the ability to embrace life in all it’s seasons, both the positive as well as the negative. I have gotten frustrated when I identify myself as a positive psychologist and people envision me as promoting only sunshine, butterflies and happy faces. Indeed that is not the case, BUT, it is the case that embracing all of life’s challenges IS the point, not just the pathological or dysfunction that seemed to be the currency when I was a traditional psychologist.
The difference in my vision now is that indeed we will all be slammed with disappointments, tragedies, and just plain “bad stuff” the longer we live. The real “art ” of living is how we manage those situations. Being widowed suddenly knocked the life out of me for a while, I still feel remnants of that pain on a daily basis, BUT my life did not end there. The ability to rebound from the pain needs to be the focus. The ability to let go, move on, turn things over is where the skill of living begins.
Kashdan makes a compelling argument about a life well lived. He begins by describing the merits of being mindful of living in the moment. Of being an active participant in life. Too often when adversity hits we hunker down, begin identifying with the role of victim, and somehow stop moving forward in the present moment. We essentially “wallow” in the grief all the while missing those wonderous moments of joy.
The joy is ever present, but being locked into the pain creates blinders.
So, that’s that. Good read. Keep the faith…and realize that the suffering is option, but the pain may not be.
Blog on,
Beth
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Beth,
I’ve been enjoying your blog. This one hits home. While I do feel joy is a part of my every day life it is shadowed by a sense of loss and sadness. After visiting with my dad over the 4th I came to the realization that he will never change and that in not changing he has missed out on so much. I will never have a close relationship with him and when I’m in his presence I pretend to be interested in what he has to say even though I’m screaming ‘Shut the F*ck UP!!!’ in my head. How could he have gone through his life and not even known his own children? Or even cared what they thought? The only reason he cares about me is that I carry his genes to his posterity. I am a means to an end. Eh… I can’t control what he does or doesn’t do, I can only be responsible for my own happiness… He is part of what made me and that’s not so bad… If I hadn’t had such a rotten releationship with him I wouldn’t have worked so hard on my relationship with my kids. Thanks bending an ear. Thanks for the interesting blog!
Mary