This entry was posted on Monday, February 4th, 2008 at 4:28 pm and is filed under Life Enhancing Tips and How To's. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Today is a discouraging day…some days are like that. I have gotten feedback that my blog is too personal, not professional/distant enough.
Well, I can hear my deceased Mom, “tell them to go sit on a tack”….My deceased father would say something far more colorful….
When we lose something in our life and transition to our new reality, life seems so tenuous. I guess that’s where I am right now, transitioning into my New Life, missing my old life…and wondering…what’s this New Life to be like? Should I have followed my heart? Or, should I have stayed “safe” in my Old and Predictable Life?
In my Old Life of many years I had a clinical psychotherapy practice which was delightful. My colleagues and I practiced out of an old house that the two founders of the practice had remodeled. It felt cozy and non clinical, like us. Shortly before my late husband died, unnecessarily, he and I talked about my “pull” to positive psychology and coaching. The positive nature, the hopefulness seemed much more in tune with who I was/ am.
The risk? Well, no longer would insurance companies help pay my salary. The advantage? living a life which feels whole, complete, congruent and ethical…and frightening !
However, now that I have left that behind and am pursing this new dream, this positive strength based coaching dream, life is so different. Grief, absolutely. A death of the old way of life. A death of knowing what a day would look like. A death of the known.
And of course, the advice and counsel of others who (I imagine) shake their heads and wonder why on earth is she doing this? Why take this leap, why leave a successful practice behind only to begin again?
So now instead of rushing to “dress”, grab coffee, zoom off to the office, delight in seeing my clients; my world is quiet, peaceful (except of course for the chatter in my head)…Wow, that chatter is NEVER positive, the chatter is quite NEGATIVE and FEAR INDUCING.
I had a wonderful three hour conversation with my cousin yesterday…such a beautiful yet painful exchange. Going back to a time filled with grief and angst. Although the incident which caused such pain and turmoil happened 30 years ago, it was the first time she and I “grieved together.” What comfort in that.
Why did it take so long? We wanted to push the past aside? We didn’t want to “know” The family rule was “don’t talk !”
I keep wondering when will it be okay to trust in the world after loss? When will be able to trust one another and share the pain? the fear? the scare?
Once we lose something (and we all do) the world tilts, the world is not as we had known it…the world was not safe, the world was not something we could trust.
My dilemna is….how do we learn to share that fear? Are we able to reach out and support one another, or must we grieve through transitions on our own….
Okay, enough of that for now.
Smooch and blessings
Beth
read comments (0)