Do Not Grieve Alone.com

What’s wrong with me? Why am I so unhappy? Why did she look at me that way? What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? What will happen if….

Mental scripts of a woman’s mind? Rolling negative thoughts, feelings, and perceptions can be an indicator that OVERTHINKING is at work. The downside to overthinking, addictions.  Why? Addictions serve to medicate those kind of thoughts…positive addictions like running, yoga, sewing do the same thing…shut those thoughts OFF.

Unfortunately, positive or healthy addictions take time and energy. The harmful addictions shut things down or off, BUT, with the effort it takes to down a drink, inhale a quart of ice cream, or smoke a pack of cigarettes the appeal is compelling. All it takes is the money, or a friend, to obtain the substance and then, well, then the deed is done.

The pleasure I reap from being with women friends is enormous, the distress I experience at the harshness with which women deal with themselves is palpable. When I am with a group of talented, beautiful, bright women and I hear how they talk to themselves I have to step back. I realize that the overthinking and intense self scrutiny borders on cruel and abusive.

Eating, Drinking, Overthinking: The Toxic Triangle of Food, Alcohol, and Depression and How Women Can Break Free (Susan Nolen-Hoeksema) and The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lybubomirsky deal with this concept of women as overthinkers and the way the overthinking is hurtful, harmful and lead to negative behaviors as well as contributing to low self worth, self doubt, and a self view that can be paralyzing.

For many women overthinking has been part of our socialization. We spend time with our girlfriends “replaying” what was said, done, and the “what do you think it means?” phenomenon. Interestingly, as we mature, we continue that same intense “self examination” that frequently takes the form of “what’s wrong with me?” The research seems to conclude that rather than giving us “insight” that kind of continuous “negative self examination” instead leads to pessimistic thinking, self loathing and in general lowers our view of ourselves, which in turn, can create the need to self-medicate. Too often that self medication perpetuates the negative cycle rather than helping us break free of the self loathing…

Alcohol serves to shut off that “critical voice” in our head…, which is why too often women end up doing and saying things they would never do or say sober. Carbohydrates certainly create a chemical shift, that in turn changes our mood TEMPORARILY, but the change upward is seen on the scale. And, certainly, cigarettes, give the momentary sense of reward, but again the negative effects are experienced which leads to “I am a puff away from a pack a day.”

The consequences to the self medication are fleeting relief but in the long term lead to grief.

There are many ways to work with overthinking, but all those ways require us to realize that the relentless pursuit of self examination, analysis of ourselves in the world may not necessarily lead to greater well-being, but may instead serve to promote self hatred which is intensified by our attempts to take care of ourselves through unhealthy addictive behaviors…

So, just for today, when the overthinking is about our shortcomings, or puts a negative spin on our sense of ourselves, what would happen if we instead distracted ourselves and did something that made us know what terrific women we really are ? If we pursued “addictions” that fed our souls rather than those addictions that rob us of our health and well being?

Revolutionary thought , isn’t it?

Revolt, women, revolt.

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