Widows: Five Warning Signs for Internet Dating !

by Dr Beth on January 5, 2008

How crazy was THAT suggestion? Yup, a friend suggest I submit my "profile" to an online dating service, you know the drill...well, if you don't, it's worth a try. I am so glad I did...even if there were some interesting complications before I met a Prince of a Man.

My first foray into the world of internet dating was a lark. What did I have to lose? Besides I had a bet going. ..a bet I couldn't pass up. So, I spent some time, composed my profile, dug up a picture and posted my "profile."

What an interesting group of men responded.

Tip Number ONE Never list the city where you REALLY live. You never know if you want to  "the guy." It becomes pretty clear at once what kind of men you are dealing with. So, if you list a larger city, he may be none the wiser, and there's no way for him to track you down. There are lots of interesting characters on these sites:The one's who are a "legend in their own minds", the one's who don't know how to speil, the one's who are so crude that they make you giggle behind the scene. You can sort out alot just from the "git go".

TIP NUMBER TWO: Never believe the pictures. My first go around was with a man who presented himself as highly educated, he was, sensitive, he wasn't, and in great physical shape...oh, don't get me going. Yes, his picture was gorgeous....flowing silver fox hair, trim a and fit body, tuxedo, former college athlete, spiritual, sensitive...well, I didn't have a coach so of course, i believed the photo and the "line."...well, that picture was taken at a better time in his life...and his self description? Let's say it must have been a twin in a past life. But, hey, I hadn't "dated" in many, many years and this guy was smooth....I bit, took the line, but had the sense to bail out after a couple of months...

TIP NUMBER THREE: Find out how long they have belonged to the dating service. I found that serial on line daters are a genre unto themselves. Fear of commitment, ego strokes, narcissistic personalities...yup, they all can be lumped into that group. This particular person took great pride in meeting women and then humiliating them by saying they did not look at all like their pictures, I often wonder, did the women ever say the same thing to him?

TIP NUMBER FOUR: If you get the feeling that there's bad "juju" in the air, trust it. Too many women make excuses about the character and quality of the man, but once they look back there were red flags all over the place. He specialized in talking about himself, if I happened to mention an interest of mine....there was silence until I finished, and then he begin talking once again about his favorite subject : HIM .

TIP NUMBER FIVE: If he can regale you with tales of his conquests, tales of how the longest relationship he ever had as a widower/divorcee was less than 6 months, run for the hills. And remember, the story will be all about how the woman was just "not up to his standards" ....He likes the challenge of conquest, but has no sense of staying power, commitment, or really having an authentic relationship.

The good news after that first debacle, I was encouraged by my best friend to try again. This time "the gold ring" A man who is brilliant, successful, not "full of himself", truly good looking (even better then his picture...still had the same athletic build he had as a college athlete)....history of a long, healthy, and stable relationship. Interested in someone other than himself, and yes, a respect for women, the process, and dignity.

So, widows, never give up...just be smart...there is a life beyond widowhood...you just need to reach out, get help, and realize you might meet alot of frogs before you meet a prince....

Sometimes the frogs make the most entertaining stories...well, off to enjoy more time with my Prince.

Beth has been a practicing psychologist for twenty years. Following the tragic death of her husband, she and her three daughters have refused to "give up or give in" and are all working on building lives that are rich, full and complete. Beth has left her work as a traditional psychologist and is establishing Phoenix Rises Coaching to aid people who are facing life challenges and want to learn how to grow by using positive psychology as a foundation (http://donotgrievealone.com). Beth's coaching includes the ins and outs of internet dating...and things to go for and things to avoid.

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