Comments on: Widows/Widowers: Reclaim the Season http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/12/11/widowswidowers-reclaim-the-season/ Happiness Boot Camp For Those In Transition Thu, 04 Dec 2008 22:02:09 +0000 By: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/12/11/widowswidowers-reclaim-the-season/#comment-201 Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein Wed, 09 Jan 2008 16:54:05 +0000 http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/12/11/widowswidowers-reclaim-the-season/#comment-201 Gratitude is a marvelous practice, yet as a positive psychologist I have to share my clinical experiences. It is not an easy practice! When we are down, whether we are grieving, sad, hurt, or maybe, unfortunately, a combination of these difficult feelings, we are not interested in running through a list of what has worked in our lives, or even how we have grown. I often suggest to people that during these times we try instead the mental health gift of positive action. Whether we force ourselves to say hello to someone and admire their outfit or hairdo, or whether it comes easily to do a favor of someone-just giving out instead of going back inside of ourselves, will improve our state of mind. It may not work instantly, but it will work. Over the last week, since New Year's, I've been practicing saying, "Happy New Year" to strangers. They are pleased, although sometimes surprised. Me, I have felt good many moments when I might not have otherwise! Try it, you'll like it. Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach, www.enchantedself.com Gratitude is a marvelous practice, yet as a positive psychologist I have to share my clinical experiences. It is not an easy practice! When we are down, whether we are grieving, sad, hurt, or maybe, unfortunately, a combination of these difficult feelings, we are not interested in running through a list of what has worked in our lives, or even how we have grown. I often suggest to people that during these times we try instead the mental health gift of positive action. Whether we force ourselves to say hello to someone and admire their outfit or hairdo, or whether it comes easily to do a favor of someone-just giving out instead of going back inside of ourselves, will improve our state of mind. It may not work instantly, but it will work. Over the last week, since New Year’s, I’ve been practicing saying, “Happy New Year” to strangers. They are pleased, although sometimes surprised. Me, I have felt good many moments when I might not have otherwise! Try it, you’ll like it.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach, http://www.enchantedself.com

]]> By: Kris http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/12/11/widowswidowers-reclaim-the-season/#comment-128 Kris Fri, 21 Dec 2007 15:41:37 +0000 http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/12/11/widowswidowers-reclaim-the-season/#comment-128 I have a lot of widow friends in my church. The church family is vital to them at this time. I am not a widow, but divorced, and recently went through ANOTHER breakup of a 6 month relationship, in which I was head over heals for the man. I try to raise my three boys and maintain a full time demanding job while keeping my head just above depression. I battle it every day. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to face the world. I don't know how the widows, especially the recent ones, deal with the depression. So, I just try to keep them in mind, call them once in a while with encouragement and pray for them. As I read about depression, the one common theme I see over and over, is just not to dwell in the past, but to look forward to the future, and not to become self absorbed. Depression causes us to lose perspective. Life is really not that bad. Stay away from Alcohol, that only worsens the feeling. Keep in constant contact with others. Helping others with their problems helps you feel better about yourself, with a renewed purpose in life. I have a lot of widow friends in my church. The church family is vital to them at this time. I am not a widow, but divorced, and recently went through ANOTHER breakup of a 6 month relationship, in which I was head over heals for the man. I try to raise my three boys and maintain a full time demanding job while keeping my head just above depression. I battle it every day. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to face the world. I don’t know how the widows, especially the recent ones, deal with the depression. So, I just try to keep them in mind, call them once in a while with encouragement and pray for them. As I read about depression, the one common theme I see over and over, is just not to dwell in the past, but to look forward to the future, and not to become self absorbed. Depression causes us to lose perspective. Life is really not that bad. Stay away from Alcohol, that only worsens the feeling. Keep in constant contact with others. Helping others with their problems helps you feel better about yourself, with a renewed purpose in life.

]]> By: LS http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/12/11/widowswidowers-reclaim-the-season/#comment-103 LS Thu, 13 Dec 2007 23:41:29 +0000 http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/12/11/widowswidowers-reclaim-the-season/#comment-103 No I am not a widow, but I am a mom with one less child than she should have. Grief is grief is grief, no matter what has happened. I can't see things exactly like someone who has lost their beloved spouse to death or divorce, but I do know the "kind of" pain that is experienced. I have lost my parents but they are both still alive!! Anyway I was thinking today while extremely bored at work waiting for the mail. I have sat and thought about things done in this family that were fun and it took me forever to realize that we have had some fun. I absolutely LOVE giving people gag gifts. The twins got two keys for Christmas last year and when they went outside they found 2 hotwheels sitting on the deck.. There are so many things I have done (some say I have a wicked sense of humor) for a laugh during the holidays. It hit me today that it was that rotten little part of me that loves practical jokes and laughing that has allowed me to continue getting through the seasons and finding each one a bit more fun. What I have planned for the twins this year is going to be priceless. Guess maybe I just think that with the right tools and support we are capable of doing ANYTHING we want. Even enjoy the holidays once again. No I am not a widow, but I am a mom with one less child than she should have. Grief is grief is grief, no matter what has happened. I can’t see things exactly like someone who has lost their beloved spouse to death or divorce, but I do know the “kind of” pain that is experienced.
I have lost my parents but they are both still alive!!

Anyway I was thinking today while extremely bored at work waiting for the mail.

I have sat and thought about things done in this family that were fun and it took me forever to realize that we have had some fun. I absolutely LOVE giving people gag gifts.
The twins got two keys for Christmas last year and when they went outside they found 2 hotwheels sitting on the deck..
There are so many things I have done (some say I have a wicked sense of humor) for a laugh during the holidays. It hit me today that it was that rotten little part of me that loves practical jokes and laughing that has allowed me to continue getting through the seasons and finding each one a bit more fun.
What I have planned for the twins this year is going to be priceless.

Guess maybe I just think that with the right tools and support we are capable of doing ANYTHING we want. Even enjoy the holidays once again.

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