Comments on: Something about death and taxes… http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/10/15/something-about-death-and-taxes/ Sun, 22 Apr 2012 17:16:47 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Shelli http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/10/15/something-about-death-and-taxes/comment-page-1/#comment-654 Shelli Wed, 19 May 2010 04:28:13 +0000 http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/10/15/something-about-death-and-taxes/#comment-654 It was only recently that a mental health professional proposed that I am experiencing PTSD. I lost a sibling I was very close to 7.5 years ago, to sudden cardiac death. Three years later I lost, my mother. Then I was brutally driven out of my career after a sexual harassment incident I had the audacity to complain about. I resigned from a career I had loved and which had given my life a lot of meaning. Then my daughter attempted to commit suicide and began self destructing. Along the way, my marriage began unraveling. Then my father died. I found another job, but it didn't work out. But they did tell me what an inferior worker I was before I departed. I am trying to work on being positive about a new start, a new me. I am stronger now than I was 7.5 years ago in some ways, but in other ways I sense deep disturbing changes. Besides my confidence shattered and constant agitation, I can't remember anything or learn anything. I am (was) an intelligent, educated scientist with an advanced degree. Now I have to stop and concentrate very hard to put one intelligible sentence together. I use the wrong words constantly, or fail to recall common words. I don't want to be this way; I want the old Shelli back. The "new normal," a phrase I have heard many times, would be great except that the new normal is working to my detriment, and I don't know what to do. I am not working right now, and don't know if I can. I long for that career I once loved and excelled at. So when I heard "PTSD," I was surprised, but in an odd way, it made sense. But can the events I described above cause it? I am not a rape survivor, nor have I been to war, nor witnessed a horrible event. I just thought I was a weak loser. How do I reclaim my wits? BTW, I had to proofread this many times before submitting; I am still not certain that it is 100% OK. Diverging a bit, I know the pain very well that all of you are experiencing as you move through your grief journey. The day does indeed come when the pain no longer haunts you every waking minute, but it is a long journey. I do appreciate Beth's remark that the stages of confronting grief do not necessarily follow the Kubler-Ross model. They didn't for me. I repect Kubler-Ross's work, but your grief is your own personal project, and no one can model it for you except you! You will get there, one breath at a time. My best to all of you. (One good thing all the death/grief did for me was leave me deeply compassionate. I have always felt compassion and empathy for people, but my personal pain has taken those feelings for others to an entirely new level.) Love, Shelli It was only recently that a mental health professional proposed that I am experiencing PTSD. I lost a sibling I was very close to 7.5 years ago, to sudden cardiac death. Three years later I lost, my mother. Then I was brutally driven out of my career after a sexual harassment incident I had the audacity to complain about. I resigned from a career I had loved and which had given my life a lot of meaning. Then my daughter attempted to commit suicide and began self destructing. Along the way, my marriage began unraveling. Then my father died. I found another job, but it didn’t work out. But they did tell me what an inferior worker I was before I departed. I am trying to work on being positive about a new start, a new me. I am stronger now than I was 7.5 years ago in some ways, but in other ways I sense deep disturbing changes. Besides my confidence shattered and constant agitation, I can’t remember anything or learn anything. I am (was) an intelligent, educated scientist with an advanced degree. Now I have to stop and concentrate very hard to put one intelligible sentence together. I use the wrong words constantly, or fail to recall common words. I don’t want to be this way; I want the old Shelli back. The “new normal,” a phrase I have heard many times, would be great except that the new normal is working to my detriment, and I don’t know what to do. I am not working right now, and don’t know if I can. I long for that career I once loved and excelled at. So when I heard “PTSD,” I was surprised, but in an odd way, it made sense. But can the events I described above cause it? I am not a rape survivor, nor have I been to war, nor witnessed a horrible event. I just thought I was a weak loser. How do I reclaim my wits? BTW, I had to proofread this many times before submitting; I am still not certain that it is 100% OK.

Diverging a bit, I know the pain very well that all of you are experiencing as you move through your grief journey. The day does indeed come when the pain no longer haunts you every waking minute, but it is a long journey. I do appreciate Beth’s remark that the stages of confronting grief do not necessarily follow the Kubler-Ross model. They didn’t for me. I repect Kubler-Ross’s work, but your grief is your own personal project, and no one can model it for you except you! You will get there, one breath at a time. My best to all of you. (One good thing all the death/grief did for me was leave me deeply compassionate. I have always felt compassion and empathy for people, but my personal pain has taken those feelings for others to an entirely new level.)

Love, Shelli

]]> By: heartcenter http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/10/15/something-about-death-and-taxes/comment-page-1/#comment-26 heartcenter Sat, 20 Oct 2007 05:21:05 +0000 http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/10/15/something-about-death-and-taxes/#comment-26 My oh my but this website is a friend indeed. I have been struggling with a grief issue over the past two years and yes, it is both work and slogging through some tough emotions and yet in the same breath, very transforming. My spiritual self has had such an overhaul or rather a reawakening. So many growth opportunities have arisen, but the work is also sometimes quite scary. I can tell from the little reading I've done so far on this website that I will gain strength. I know I have it already like Dorothy always having had her ruby slippers. I'm striving for wellness. And I'm most thankful that Beth is transitioning from private practice to become a life coach. What a wonderful human being she is and one who is there to help others. Press on woman! My oh my but this website is a friend indeed. I have been struggling with a grief issue over the past two years and yes, it is both work and slogging through some tough emotions and yet in the same breath, very transforming. My spiritual self has had such an overhaul or rather a reawakening. So many growth opportunities have arisen, but the work is also sometimes quite scary. I can tell from the little reading I’ve done so far on this website that I will gain strength. I know I have it already like Dorothy always having had her ruby slippers. I’m striving for wellness. And I’m most thankful that Beth is transitioning from private practice to become a life coach. What a wonderful human being she is and one who is there to help others. Press on woman!

]]> By: LS http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/10/15/something-about-death-and-taxes/comment-page-1/#comment-23 LS Tue, 16 Oct 2007 21:16:23 +0000 http://donotgrievealone.com/2007/10/15/something-about-death-and-taxes/#comment-23 My experience with grief until the last couple years was always anger. However that was due to the fact that I could in NO WAY express any other emotions. Crying wasn’t allowed, it showed weakness. Forgetting things would have been the death of me. Anger kept me focused on “something” so that I could function in a messed up world. Being happy was never an emotion that I had many dealings with until recently. Guess that brings me to the point of this post. Learning to think and act positive has been in itself a process, of which I have a long way to go. The good news for me is that I now look forward to inching into the unknown, because I truly feel better looking at the positive and good side of myself. Something’s are actually becoming more comfortable just as my old destructive behaviors were my comfort zone, now I have a few healthy ways of dealing with grief and transition. Anything is possible! My experience with grief until the last couple years was always anger. However that was due to the fact that I could in NO WAY express any other emotions. Crying wasn’t allowed, it showed weakness. Forgetting things would have been the death of me. Anger kept me focused on “something” so that I could function in a messed up world. Being happy was never an emotion that I had many dealings with until recently.

Guess that brings me to the point of this post. Learning to think and act positive has been in itself a process, of which I have a long way to go. The good news for me is that I now look forward to inching into the unknown, because I truly feel better looking at the positive and good side of myself. Something’s are actually becoming more comfortable just as my old destructive behaviors were my comfort zone, now I have a few healthy ways of dealing with grief and transition.

Anything is possible!

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