This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 25th, 2007 at 12:51 pm and is filed under About this Site. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Wow, this is really happening…a dream becoming a reality. My life turned upside down in August of 2005, and here it is 2007 and I am writing about it. More importantly, writing about it from the perspective that indeed, like the mythical Phoenix, out of sorrow we can rise up from the ashes of despair.
Being a psychologist for 20 years has been a blessing. I have been privy to accompanying people as they rose from the ashes, and through the courage of those wonderful clients my ability to do the same was strengthened.
Having muddled around for the last two years (with the help of many friends) once again I am embarking on a new mission. A mission to spread the word that grief from loss/transition of any kind can be a transformative experience, the despair passes…grief is a normal response to loss…but out culture “pathologizes” grief, and as such, the rise from the ashes may be more challenging.
This blog is about any kind of loss…my own losses which began as a child. My biological brother put up for adoption when my parents divorced when I was 3 years old. Growing up as child of a divorced single mom in the 50’s, relationships ending, friendships lost, my dear friend dying of MS,challenges related to jobs and schooling, death of both parents, loss of pets, the loss of being an at-home mom, the challenge of children “flying the coop” and leaving me on Sunday night with the laundry done. Gaining and then losing 50 lbs in response to the death of my mother. The loss of cigarettes as my friend and enemy. All changes, all losses, all transformative. The BIGGEST most impactful loss, and the inspiration for this change in my own career, was the loss of my husband…
My husband and I had been married for 20 years, raised three beautiful young women. We were both psychologists, and were looking forward to adjusting to the empty nest… That hot August morning I dropped him off at the local hospital for a simple same day surgery and 18 hours later he was dead. Surgical Error. The empty nest was once again, emptier.
I was left with a house onn 1 1/2 acres, a 95 lb German Shepard and a cat., Miss Diva. I had no skills relative to house and home, cars, finances, in other words, much to my own chagrin, I was the woman they warn you about…oblivious to my surroundings. Thankfully I had a phone book ,three daughters (two out of state and one in town) and some friends who kept me afloat that first year….the year the furnace broke, pipes froze, dog had to be euthanized, on and on and on….but, survive I did.
I searched the internet for resources. I wanted to share my grief/loss/questions with others. And, share I did. This blog will be a place to share the SURVIVAL parts of grief…the actions each one of us can take when we find ourselves in the middle of despair…Despair, allowed….wallowing…for a time…but the challenge…MOVE FORWARD…the Phoenix is the perfect symbol.
My way of rising from the ashes was the continuation of my studies in Positive Psychology. So, this blog will be about this and that…with little “jewels” from the research done on happiness and well being.
As a psychologist I was steeped in pathology. I knew how to find what was wrong with you/me/my neighbor. Now, I am focusing on what is right with us…shoot, in traditional psychology there would be no Phoenix Rising…instead….well, you get the picture.In addition to this blog, I will also be doing a newsletter “Happiness Boot-Camp: Tips for being Happier”Yeah, seems pretty darn strange. Lots of stuff has happened in my life…more than I would have chosen, that’s for sure, but, there’s a way out and that’s THROUGH. The way THROUGH is developing an arsenal of tools to aid you in rising out from despair….Blog On,BethPS Happiness Tools will be listed under “Happiness Boot Camp”
read comments (8)
September 25th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
My, Beth, but you have gone through a LOT and have a lot to grieve about. I feel a little silly grieving over a divorce and the “loss” of three of my children, who have shut me out because of the divorce (the fourth, though, is my saving grace!).
I really like your emphasis on positive psychology. I’m learning a bit about that, and mindfulness, as I forge ahead. But it’s hard when three really important people in your life just vanish. I remember all the good times we’ve had, and I’m left to wonder whether we’ll make any more good memories in the future.
So I’m looking forward to seeing more about positive approaches to grief. I’m glad you’re starting this site. I hope it turns out to be a great community!
Thanks,
Bill
September 25th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Congratulations on the beautiful “Phoenix-blog” rising out of the ashes………Way to go girl!
September 26th, 2007 at 7:36 am
Lady Boots,
I know nothing about blogs, so lets hope I don’t mess this up!
Grief on the other hand seems to have been a life long friend of mine (saving the details for another day), but there is and always has been a bright light out there in the dark, shining brightly. I think the bright light is all the positives just waiting to be reached for.
This will be good stuff!!!
Thanks Lady
Lorri
September 26th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Bill,
The grief of losing a family is indeed one of the greatest of all griefs. Even though many divorces may be “necessary” the loss is still ever present. Having faith, knowing that kids will be kids, and continuing to be a dad is all we can do.
In my experience both as a psychologist and as a divorced person, I have noticed that often it is the parent the children feel closest too, safest with, that gets the “brunt” of the hurt and the pain.
My mantra then…I am the adult…I am responsible to “be there” as the secure one for these children. They get to “act out” that’s a priviledge I, as the mature adult, do not have….Rats, huh?
Techno Slut….okay, okay, Lorri and CW, thank you for your kind remarks. This is as the kids say “toadally” new territory for me. I am learning blogging right along with you. Fortunately I had an excellent teachers, thanks kathy and Carol, but it sure is a fun experience…eh?
That bright light is always there, Lorri, even in these oh, so tough times. There’s a bad joke about a railroad tunnel and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel…the joke is the hope that the light is NOT a freight train…
It isn’t.
Beth
September 27th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
You’ve come a long way baby!! Since I have done the VIA, What do I do with the scores? Thanks for all your good and hard work putting together this blog.
October 5th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
Thank you for sharing!
October 16th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
Before the phoenix goes up in flames and turns to ashes, she has become tired, worn, and ready to start anew, with lessons already learned being embedded in her DNA. As a phoenix arises from the ashes, she becomes renewed, stronger, and more beautiful (inside and out) in the transition. She becomes ready to fly to new adventures. The phoenix can also use her tears to heal the wounds of slef and others. The metaphor of the phoenix is particularly apt.
October 17th, 2007 at 10:22 am
DJ,
Thank you so much for you wonderful (but not surprising observation) I want to move this post/comment to a section on the Phoenix.
Beth